Bread

Lately, I have really been into baking bread.  I watched the documentary COOKED on Netflix and the episode on bread really inspired me.  I mean just look at these baguettes I made the other day.  They are gorgeous. 

A photo posted by T.J. Mousetis (@tjmousetis) on

I've never been much of a cook.  I usually go for simple sustenance over complicated decadence.  My go to meal in college was a spoonful of peanut butter -- partly because of my economic status, but mostly because it was quick, easy and delicious!

In the last few weeks I have baked 5 loaves of bread, only 4 however, have been edible, because the first was the consistency of a brick. And through my baking I've started to realize something really awesome.

A year ago I would have never done this.  Two years ago, never.  Three years ago, never.  But now, when June goes down for a nap and I don't have any work or home responsibilities on my plate, I think, I should start a loaf of bread!  I don't use a bread machine because I like to mold and knead the bread with my hands.  I like it for the process as much as for the taste.  It's a hobby that I would have never guessed I would have, not in a million years.  Again, I was the guy that ate peanut butter by the spoonful for the connivence and now the baguettes I just made took 20+ hours, because my bread has to rise baby!

One question people like to ask me is, "What's your favorite Bible verse?" or "What's your favorite walk in love. shirt?" Favorite movie? Food? Memory of June? And so on. 

I have had a hard time answering all of those questions because I don't want to narrow my life down to favorites.  I want to have an open heart and mind to the world around me, so that when something new comes up I can look at it with fresh eyes and see the beauty that God put in it.  People so often have made up their mind on something because of something someone else said.  We are people living our individual lives off customer and user reviews, while never actually reviewing something for ourselves.  I could have very easily watched that documentary and said, "Seems cool, but I don't like to cook."  Because that's what I would have said in the past and I would have missed out on enjoying the process of baking a sweet loaf of bread.

I think there is something very beautiful in trying something new.  And "Yes" to you Debbie Downers out there, there was always the possibility that I would bake a loaf of bread, find no joy in it and move on.  But there is always the other possibility, that I would love it and I do! Too often I see so many turn down the possibility of doing something because they have already pre-determined they don't like it.  High schoolers who say they don't like a certain food without ever trying it, or people saying they don't like Jesus without ever meeting Him.

That could have been me and my life would have been bread-less... How sad that would have been!?  Instead I have loaves on loaves on loaves.

So my encouragement today is to try with all your might to look at something with fresh eyes.  Something that you may have written off previously.  Try something new and throw out your preconceived notions of what you thought it would be like.  I often get so sad when I hear people talk about Jesus because of the bad customer reviews Christians leave in the world.  Don't look at those.  Look at the good ones, the ones of people devoted to giving, serving and loving all, with all they've got.  But instead of doing that, go to the source.  Experience Jesus for yourself and maybe, just maybe, with fresh eyes you might see that He is everything you need.  He is the bread of life.

Stop Looking At Emotional Porn

The other night at youth group a student asked me, "Why don't you follow anybody on Instagram?"  I explained to him that I was simply wasting too much time on the app and if I don't follow anyone, there isn't anything new to see, therefore I don't waste as much time.  And that reason is partly true -- that was absolutely a big part of my reasoning on why I chose to unfollow everyone that I use to follow, but it's not the full story.

The second, and more important, reason I decided to unfollow everyone on my Instagram feed is, to put it bluntly, because of this -- I am a recovering emotional porn addict.

I really don't like to use the word porn. Years ago, I spent a summer interning for XXXchurch.com, a non-profit helping people overcome and recover from their porn addiction.  It was a summer where I saw and heard some rough stories about porn addiction -- people losing their jobs, wives, businesses, respect, etc.  So again, if I am honest, I hate the word porn.  I don't use it lightly. But, when I was thinking about this post and I was trying to come up with a different word to use, I just couldn't find one that accurately described what I wanted to say.

In simple terms, porn is not real.  It looks real, but it is not real.  It is a fantasy world that is not even close to reality at all.  I am constantly challenging the 10th graders in my small group to not look at porn because it will distort what you will expect from your wife, life, and mess you up in loads of other ways.  The fantasy that pornography displays is just that - a fantasy.  In reality, it is a very sad and hopeless world that too many get lost and hurt in.

As a high schooler and college student I struggled with looking at porn, but can honestly say that it is not something that I struggle with now, which I thank God for every day.  I also tell Brooke that at anytime she can ask me if I have looked at anything I shouldn't have, and she does ask from time to time.

While porn addiction and struggles is something that many many people struggle with, I believe there is a different kind of porn sweeping across our social media screens and most of us are addicted... and unaware. It's emotional porn.

What is emotional porn?

It's following 100 mommy bloggers, while being secretly jealous and envious that your life is not theirs.

It's following every work-out-enthusiast, and secretly hating them for caring so well for their bodies.

It's following your frenemies and saying you don't care what they are doing, yet all the while you know every thing about every single aspect of their lives.

It's filling your feed, and in turn your mind, with jealousy, comparison, and often pointless imagery, all while your real relationships fall apart.

It's watching Keeping up with the Kardashians and almost every other "reality" show, while not actually keeping up with anything else in your life.

It's watching and obsessing over the Bachelor (a total strangers love life).

It's tweeting and Snapchatting ambiguous nonsense that you secretly hope hurts the person you intended it for.

It's the 10th commandment.

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” -Exodus 20:17

And if I am honest it's something I really struggle with -- comparing myself to others as they travel the world, meet famous people or do things that I have only dreamed of doing.  If you follow my blog or life on social at all you know that I FREAKING LOVE MY LIFE!  I am smitten with my amazing wife, love my daughter, and get to do what I love, yet I still struggle with this comparison game, with this emotional porn.

My guess is that you do too.  You probably spend hours a day feeling "swirly" because of one post you saw earlier in the day.  You click on an ex-boyfriends handle just to see what they are doing, knowing that it will make you feel all the weird feels.  You are jealous of the people you follow, and yet you let them consume the digital space in front of your eyes, knowing full well that you will feel weird every time.

Emotional porn is looking at something that isn't a reality and being frustrated that it isn't your reality.  Pastor Steven Furtick puts it this way, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlights."  And most of the time we are doing this comparison thing with people who create content as their job, so of course it's going to look amazing! We compare our iPhone photos of our messy house to a styled, professional shoot for a magazine.  Of course that's going to leave you feeling lacking, they aren't even in the same ball park.  It's like comparing a billboard for a movie to the actual movie. It's just not the same!

And instead of realizing that we are comparing apples to oranges, we dive deeper into the emotional porn world.  We find more people to follow and more things to covet and more people to talk about.  And before you know it, we are the guy who started by just looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition and ends with some totally creepy fetish. We are so deep into emotional porn that we are suffocated by it - unable to do or make real things happen.  We spend so much time on our social media comparing and analyzing that our lives are flying by.

So, what is the solution?  Detox.  Any addiction needs a detox.

This is where I found myself a few months ago.  I was constantly clicking down the bunny trail of social media feeds getting frustrated, envious or bitter.  I was addicted to it and was consuming it at an alarming rate.  I needed detox.  So, I went to the people I was following and slowly unfollowed everyone, one at a time, on Instagram.  For months now my feed is only the photos from Brooke's account, June's account and our two business accounts.  That's it.  I still see what friends and family are doing on Facebook from time to time.  I follow a few people on Snapchat, but really, I am not consuming nearly as much "social" media as I once was.

And guess what?  I don't miss it.  I don't feel swirly as much.  I spend time working on our business, working out and playing with June, while my phone is in the other room... or get this.... even TURNED OFF!!! WHAT!?!  Did you even know the iPhone could turn off?

I know it's weird.  I am the guy that is telling you to check out my Instagram, Snapchat story, Facebook page, blog, etc. I share posts and say "Check out my business!" all the time.  Yet, here I am telling you to detox from social media.

Honestly, if following me is your emotional porn, click unfollow and leave my blog. I'm serious. If you read my stuff, or see the life that I share, and it makes you feel weird, bitter, envious or anything outside of the way God wants you to live.  UNFOLLOW ME!  Do it now.  I would rather lose all my followers then have people be drawn away from living like Jesus through something I am doing. I pray instead that I might inspire you to seek harder after Jesus and a full life - but only you can be the judge of that in your own life.  Seriously, if I am your emotional porn - click unfollow right there 👇🏼

A photo posted by T.J. Mousetis (@tjmousetis) on

If you feel like you are addicted to emotional porn, the comparison game or "the bunny trail" of clicks that makes you feel all the weird feels, then YOU need to detox.

Unfollow those people. Delete the app from your phone.  Log out every time after you post something.  Turn off your phone when you are sitting on the couch at night.  I found that one huge trigger for me was down time on the couch with Brooke.  The longer we sat and watched Netflix with our phones the more likely I was to go down that emotional porn road.  So, now after June is in bed we exercise.  We intentionally take more time doing productive things, so we have less time to do destructive things.  We have "no phone" movie nights or "no phone" shows we watch.

Imagine how you might feel a week from now if you didn't look at anything, or compare yourself to anyone or anything that makes you feel swirly.  What would that week look like?  What productive thing would you get done?  Would it be a week that you looked more like Jesus or less like Jesus?  Now imagine a month or a year or five years from now?  Imagine if your time on this earth was spent on something more fulfilling then the non-reality of emotional porn and the exhausting comparison game?

I love the internet and the opportunity it brings and the power it has. But, I want to be someone who uses that opportunity and power for the glory of God and not for the self-indulgent nonsense.

Join me in this charge and stop looking at emotional porn.  Detox and move forward today. Your real life is waiting.

7 Things I Would Do If I Were Starting My Photography Career

For seven years Brooke and I shot weddings all over the world and were featured all over the internet.  We have since retired and moved on, which I talked about extensively in this post - Seven Years For a Footnote.

Since we started seven years ago, the landscape of the independent photography world has changed.  On my blog I like to share ideas I have for businesses that I am not involved in.  Last week, I shared thoughts on What I Would Do If I Were A Hand Type Artist.  This week I thought I would share what I would do if I were a still a photographer, or just starting my photography career.

1. I'd Shoot Way More For Free 🚫💰

Too many entrepreneurs don't value what happens when you do something for free. Imagine with me for a second if you spent the next three months shooting as much as you could for FREE.  Let's say each month you average 15 shoots.  By the end of the three months you would have 45 people who you've blessed with images now talking about you. Do you know what the extended reach of 45 people in your community would be?  Now imagine if you took an entire year to work your butt off and shoot as much as you could for FREE?  What if you shot a whole year of weddings for FREE?  Live below your means, get roommates, move into your parents basement and spend an entire year shooting for free.  Brooke and I shot at least one free wedding every year we were in business and shot countless portraits and engagements for FREE.  Doing things for free does two things, first it adds so much value to your client. They instantly become an advocate for your business and are telling their friends, posting the photos and praising your name - because your images and their experience shooting with you was fantastic. The second is it allows you practice your skill.  Hundreds of photographers or aspiring photographers will read this and most them will ignore it and come up with a million excuses on why they can't shoot for free.  A few of you though will take this advice and while some of your peers might make more money this year, you will make more money in the long run.  Your year of sacrifice and building up a loyal and ecstatic fan base will benefit you for years to come!  If you've been in the business for a long time, maybe add a month of free portraits or engagements to your world.  The power of FREE is an under utilized tactic.  I'd shoot way more for FREE.

2. I Would Shoot On Every Nice Day 🌞

I laugh when I see the social media feeds of young "photographers" that never have new content.  If you are claiming you are a photographer you should be a content creating machine! If the sun is out you should be out at golden hour shooting everything.  That's what I would be doing. I would have content, on top of content, on top of content overflowing from my website!  I am sure you already listed the excuses on why you didn't go out all last week when the weather was beautiful.  If you can't find anyone to photograph make yourself a sandwich and take pictures of that, because if you end up shooting a wedding you'll have to take pictures of food, scenery and details.  Practice, practice, practice.  Set up shoots with friends, tell families you'll shoot them for free.  If a local photographer reached out to me and asked if they could take photos of me and my family, I would probably say, "yes" and if the photos were good I WOULD PROBABLY POST THEM.  Now, all my followers are seeing those photos.  Get out there and shoot and ask everyone you know (and some people you don't) to be in photos!  Use the beautiful days to get off your butt, go out during golden hour, and shoot shoot shoot!  Find your best looking friends and shoot them ALL THE TIME!

3. I Would Blog On Snapchat + Instagram 👻

Take your content to the people.  Most people won't go and check your blog when you post an Instagram that says, "New Wedding On The Blog!"  I wish people would check my blog every time I talk about a post on social, but the cold reality is that they won't.  The blogging and website landscape is changing.  It's not enough just to have a blog, you have to have all elements of social media paired with a great website and blog.  People are spending most of their digital time on Facebook (which I talk about in point 5), Instagram + Snapchat.  So, bring your "blogs" to the people and start micro-blogging there.  For Snapchat, I would use the app Snap Upload and post my blogs to my story.  It's literally called a story, so you are set up to tell something and people are ready to watch it.  If I were a photographer, I would start off with a little video of me saying, "Two weeks ago I shot the wedding of John and Jane Doe at this venue and I am about to share some of my favorite photos!  Snap me back and let me know which ones are your favorite!"  Creating engagement around your content will always help build brand loyalty!  Then, using the Snap Upload app I would upload 20-30 photos so people can re-live the day.  Then, I would end with a Snap that says, "See more on WWW.URLTOMYWEBSITE.COM"  Use the Snapchat story to tell the story of your weddings, engagements or whatever else you might be shooting.  Instagram is a little different because over-posting can could lose you followers, but I also don't think one post is enough to engage all your followers.  If I were a photographer today, I would devote three Instagrams at a time to each shoot/session.  I think when you just post one about each shoot, you don't give yourself the full chance to engage with your followers.  The one photo you post from a wedding might not engage someone who is following you, so take more shots at getting their attention.  I think three works well - it's not overkill, and it will create a really cool look to the overall feed of your page.  This is not a new idea, I've seen lots of Instagrammers do it, but I think it would really work as a professional photographer! This is how it would look:

People will eat that up!

People will eat that up!

 

4. I Would Understand My Long Term Goal and Always Have LASER FOCUS! 🎯

Too many photographers do too much for too long.  I understand that at the beginning of your career you will take any and all of the work you can get, which usually comes in senior portraits and family sessions.  Brooke and I figured out early on that we didn't want to do senior photos and family shoots.  We wanted to shoot BEAUTIFUL weddings, so, very early on, we shifted our companies focus to that and only that.  We only blogged and posted the photos from weddings that we would want to shoot again.  As a photographer, you don't have to blog every piece of content you create.  Blog and post about the stuff you would want to shoot again.  Good content attracts the type of people that want to create good content.  If you had a miserable time shooting a wedding in dark utility room in the basement of cave and NEVER want to shoot it again, don't blog it!  Show your future clients the type of work you want to do and it will attract that type of work.  Figure out what you want to do and have a laser focus on it.  If you want to only shoot weddings, don't have family portraits on your blog.  If you want to be a commercial photographer, don't have a blog filled with weddings. I understand you have to pay bills and you will shoot what people hire you to do, especially at the beginning, but you don't have to share and post it.  Share and post the work that you want to get more of and have a laser focus while doing it.  That's what we did and that's what I would do again, but even be more extreme about it!

5. I'd Learn Facebook Advertising and Maximize It! 💰

At the end of 2015 we hired Monkedia to run the Facebook advertising for walk in love. Noah, the founder of the company, is amazing and is quickly getting our customer acquisition cost down and bringing in lots of new customers and sales.  Instead of spending money on a magazine ad, wedding show or bridal website, I would spend it on Facebook.  It is the most powerful tool on the internet and it is under used by almost every business.  As a wedding photographer I would target brides who liked wedding brands I love (like J Crew or BHLDN), wedding venues in my area and people whose relationship status is "engaged".  I wouldn't spend money on business cards, buttons or other items that don't produce sales. Instead, I'd learn and maximize the power of Facebook.

6. I'd Avoid Wedding Wire, The Knot, Bridal Shows and Magazine Ads 🚫

People are finding everything for their wedding on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. Spend all your time there. It's that simple.

7. I'd Edit Everything AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. 🏃

Yet again, too many photographers are out getting coffee instead of at home finishing up their jobs.  Edit your work the next day or the evening you shoot it.  Get your photos back to your clients so their excitement will be magnified by your turn around time.  Nothing ruins a great product like the extended period of time it takes to get it.  If I were starting out today, I would try to get portraits, engagements and family shoots to my clients THE NEXT DAY and bigger jobs, like weddings, to them before they got back from their honeymoon.  That's one thing we figured out how to do later in our career, but I wish we were doing it from the beginning!  If you truly want to make being a full time photographer your job, then make it your job and get to work on those photos the second you get home from shooting them. STOP GOING OUT FOR COFFEE!  They have machines that allow you to make it at home! 😂

Again, I am not a professional photographer anymore.  Brooke and I did do it professionally for seven years and we certainly picked up a thing or two.  If I were still a photographer, or starting my photography career, these would be the seven things I would focus on.  Take it or leave it.  I have no skin in this game.  If you want more advice in a one on one session, I am doing them for free all year long.  Details can be found here - One On One!

6 Things I Would Do If I Were A Hand Type Artist, Graphic Artist or Calligrapher

Yesterday the weather was beautiful, so Brooke and I made ourselves some iced coffee and sat on the front porch while June napped upstairs.  I just recently purchased multiple copies of the #ASKGARYVEE book, and prior to sitting on the front porch I had just finished reading chapter 1.  When it comes to business books I like to read chapters and then spend a day or two thinking about what I read.  I want to actually retain the information and not just consume it.

The last two sentences of the chapter say,

"Bet on your strengths.  It's an underrated business strategy in a world where we so many people are obsessed with fixing their weaknesses they give short shrift to the skills they were born with."

A photo posted by T.J. Mousetis (@tjmousetis) on

So, on the front porch with iced coffee in hand I asked Brooke, "What are my greatest strengths?"

Without hesitation Brooke said, "Your ideas, your decisiveness and your ability to solve problems."  She continued and said, "You have the ability to think of something someone or some business should do within seconds of hearing about the business or the problem they are having."

We sat and talked about that for a while and I started to ask her questions like, "How can I use those three strengths to help others?" Part of what I want to do is have short 1 on 1 sessions with people, which you can read about here - One on One.  I already have about 10 scheduled and I am pumped!

I came up with another idea which leads me to the point of this post.  Periodically, I am going to try to write out ideas for businesses that I have nothing to do with.  I sell t-shirts and have tons of ideas for my company, but I can't help and think sometimes, "If I owned a food truck I would..."

Because walk in love. does deal with hand type and graphic artists I thought I would start there.

So, here are...

6 Things I Would Do If I Were A Hand Type Artist/Graphic Artist/Calligrapher*

*Please note that I am not any of these.  I do some graphic design for walk in love. when I am working on t-shirts, etc, but these aren't my professions.  You can't hire me as a graphic artist and there is no way you'd want me to write anything for you, especially in calligraphy.  I have no dog in this fight or skin in this game.

1. I'd start trending. 🔥

The very first thing I would do is start trending.  When phrases like, "Damn Daniel. Back at it with the white vans." set the internet on fire I would stop what I am doing and design the popular phrase for my Instagram.  Not only does a viral phrase instantly connect with a person scrolling through their feed but it also opens the slight chance for a blog or news site to use it when they talk about the famous video.  More people are searching and using the hashtag and scrolling through it so you have potential to grab more fans.  I wouldn't just jump on viral phrases.  I would do it with trending events, moments, etc.  For example the oscars were a few weeks ago.  If I were a hand type artist I would have had the the phrase on my feed, "And the oscar goes to.." the night of the oscars with the question in the text, "Who do you think is going to win?"  Creating something for my followers to connect with.  Then the next day I would have had a piece that said "Congratulations Leo!" or "I'm King of the World!" since it was such a big deal that he finally won!  Engage with trends whenever you can.

2. I'd get moving. 🌀

We are living in a more video heavy social media age at the moment.  Snapchat is proving that people want to watch videos all the time.  Facebook feeds are mostly videos and GIFs are starting to take up more and more digital space.  I know that elaborate motion text is not an easy skill to acquire, but simple moving GIFs are easier to create than you think with Photoshop or different apps.  I'd start moving my text from time to time just to show a variety in the content I am producing.  It might catch the eye of a fan that has scrolled by 50 still images before getting to your moving one.

3. I'd Show How I Do What I Do 🎥

I'd use Snapchat and Instagram to shoot really short videos of myself creating.  People love behind the scenes looks at a skill they don't have.  If you can draw or write well, especially calligraphy, people will go nuts over that.  If you are more skilled on the graphic design end do some screen captures of the work you are doing in photoshop.  Show people that you are a person with a really cool skill

4. I'd Do A LOT Of Stuff For Free! 💰

I'd post an Instagram today and say, "I want to write as many of your favorite phrases as possible.  Comment below with them and I will get to as many as I can and send you a direct message of the piece when I am done."  Then I would spend all day with a bunch of paper and a scanner or iPad pro and hammer through them.  I am doing two things by spending my time and energy on this.  First, what I am doing is practicing my skill and honing my craft, and second, I am creating an amazing experience for someone.  Next time they hear someone say, "I need a new logo" or "We are looking for someone to design our wedding invitations." They might be quick to tell the story of the phrase you wrote for them.  Write people's names, kids names, favorite bible verses, addresses, whatever you can to engage with them and give them something one of a kind and custom.  Designing things for people just takes your time, you don't have to spend any money, except on paper, but it's worth it!

5. I'd Reach Out To Everyone! 👋

I'd start reaching out to blogs, Instagram accounts, local businesses and just tell them, "Hey my name is TJ and I do custom design/hand type/calligraphy.  I am not selling anything right now but if you ever need a banner or Instagram to say something custom let me know because right now I am just trying to grow my business and would do it totally FREE, no strings attached.  Here is a link to my portfolio, let me know if you are interested! xoxo, gossip...I mean..T.J."  If you want to get really hardcore I would look into the business and find their mission statement and maybe design it or write it all cool and include that in the e-mail, telling them they can use it for free, you just enjoyed the practice.  There are also apps out there that provide overlays for photos, like the walk in love. VRSLY app.  Reach out to those apps and let them know you'd love to submit something.  We've had so many young artist take over VRSLY for a week and grow their reach and engagement.  Most people will say, "No." but some will say, "Yes." and then you have a piece that is out there in their circle.  It's door to door sales in the digital age and it will help grow your business more than anything you are probably doing today!

6. I Wouldn't Take Myself To Seriously. 😛

We get it.  You can write the word, "wanderlust" and go to Unsplash and put it over a photo of someone wrapped in a blanket on the edge of a cliff....But so can 9,040,305 other hand typers.  This advice is similar to the get trending advice, but have a little more fun with your craft.  If you follow me on Snapchat you know that Brooke and I eat a lot of Snack Trays.  If I was a hand typer I would write out things like, "SNACK TRAYZ FOR DAYZ" to add some light heartedness to my feed.  If you are super into New Girl at the moment, maybe take a few of your favorite quotes and post them.  Something to make people smile will always be more memorable than the 9,000th version of something everyone else is doing.

Again, I am not a graphic designer, hand typer or calligrapher so I have no skin in this game.  I just want to share my ideas, which Brooke says is one of my greatest strengths, so take the ideas or leave them.  It's what I would be doing if I were one.  Hope it helps you grow your business.

And since I was inspired to start these types of post by the #ASKGARYVEE book I want to give away a copy.  To enter just comment on this post with what business you'd like me to share my ideas on.  Thanks!