Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Boys (Young Men)

First a disclaimer : This post is a complete 100% rip-off of something Brooke's cousin Kate wrote on her blog a couple of weeks ago and it took off. Here it is : Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls - It's brilliant and you should read it and then follow all of Kate's writings because she is awesome at it. Her post has blown up and I've been seeing people post it on twitter and facebook that I know don't even know Kate. I love that it's happening and it inspired me to come up with a list of my own directed toward boys. So thank you Kate for inspiring me.

Now 10 things I want to tell teenage boys (young men)

1. Pull your pants up.  No one wants to see your crack hanging out or your underwear.  It makes you look like an idiot.  No one with any sort of authority will ever take you seriously, it's hard to run, jump or move.  It's not slimming and it's not 1990 anymore.  Do I need more reasons?

2. Look people in the eye/Have a good handshake.  These two things will tell me a lot about a young man.  It will tell me if they are confident, driven and respectful.  If I was hiring more team members and someone came in didn't have a good handshake and didn't look me in the eye while I was talking to them I wouldn't hire them.  They could be super qualified for the position but without those two things I'm not interested.

3.  Open the car door for your girlfriend/fiance/wife.  When Brooke and I started dating about four years ago I decided that I was going to open the door for her every time we got in the car and I still do to this day.  As men we need to make sure that our lady knows she matters to us and that she is important and there is no better way to continue to tell her this then opening a door for her.  There are times when I will get in the car and Brooke will look at me and say, "You know you've been opening the door for me for 4 years...That means so much to me."  It's easy and it shows respect and kindness.  Do it! (Ladies- If a guy doesn't open the door for you, tell him he should start.)

4. Not trying isn't cool.  Try hard in school, in sports, at work and at whatever else you do.  It is worth it and will pay off.

5. You are not entitled to anything.  Life is hard and takes work.  No one is going to hand anything to you for free.  You haven't "earned" anything.  You need to work and work hard to earn things.  Stop acting like the world owes you something, like your teachers, parents and bosses owe you something.  They don't, you have to work for everything.

6. Develop good eating habits.  I know this might seem like silly advice and sound very motherly, but you will thank me in 20 years when you can still see and touch your toes.  If you are skinny right now and eat whatever you want just know that it won't last forever.  Your metabolism will slow down and weight will just start to hang around your gut.  You don't want a gut.  You want to stay thin and fit because you'll live longer, your wife will be more attracted to you and you'll be able to actually play with your kids longer.  If you can develop those habits now, it will pay off big in the future.

7. Stop swearing. It's not tough, it's not cool, it makes you sound unintelligent.

8. Stop looking at Porn : This will ruin your marriage, your life and your ability to enjoy sex. I used to work as an intern for XXXchurch and we would meet young man after young man whose life was ruined by being addicted to porn.  It's not worth it.

9. Have integrity.  Stand for truth and always do the right thing.  Sometimes it's a lot harder but it's always worth it.  Leave a legacy that is good.

10.  Be a real man.  Real men are not the men you see on TV or movies.  Real men are kind, compassionate, respectful and honest.  They fight for truth and justice.  They love their wives whole heartedly and deeply.  They care for those who need help. They work hard.

I was not a real young man.  I was kind a punk kid coming out of high school and through most of college.  I didn't do half those things on that list.  I made bad choices that I regretted.  I don't look at them as learning experience, I look at them as mistakes and if I could go back and change them I would.  Don't live with the idea that "you only live once"  or "you have to do something to learn from it."  That type of living is idiotic and full of shame and regret.  Instead, live honestly now.

I Volunteer as Tribute.

There is a scene in the movie The Hunger Games where Effie Trinket reaches in to a bowl of tribute names and picks out the name Primrose Everdeen.  It is at that moment that Catnice Everdeen, her older sister,  jumps up and screams, "I volunteer, I volunteer as tribute."  You can see it here in the trailer. Every time I see that scene in the trailer my eyes fill with tears because it is the essence of sacrificial love.  Something that we rarely see in our selfish world today.  It is with this type of love that Jesus went to the cross with, but instead of sacrificing himself for one he did it for all.  He saw that all our names were going to be drawn and they were all tainted and covered with sin.  He knew that the only way to remove that sin and give us a chance for eternal life was sacrifice.  So he stepped out of the crowd and yelled, "I volunteer, I volunteer as tribute."  He did it for you and he did it for me.

Living your Pinterest Life

A couple of weeks ago I signed up for the internet phenomenon Pinterest. I thought it would be a good way to catalog inspiration for upcoming t-shirt collections, photo shoots and business ideas. I made the mistake of following everyone I am facebook friends with and my feed was flooded with an enormous amount of stuff. I started clicking around through different boards of people I knew and started to get kind of sad. I noticed that as I clicked around on boards labeled "my style" that people were lying. I kept thinking to myself that I have never seen this person wear any of this. I felt like the board was mislabeled and should have been labeled "The style I wish I could have but am too afraid of what people might think."

I also saw boards labeled "inspiration" and they were filled with photos of skinny girls, bikinis and healthy food. Again I felt like the boards should have been labeled "I wish I was this skinny but can't practice enough self control to lose weight."

I also saw a lot of "future project" ideas, which again should have been labeled "Projects that I will put off but still say that I am going to do someday."

I know this seems harsh and I am sure a lot of people on Pinterest are using these boards to really motivate themselves and get things done. I also know that our human nature tells us to be lazy, boring and stupid. I know that it's hard to take risks. I know that the idea of starting a project or business can be awesome and exciting, but when it comes to actually doing something about it....well, that's terrifying. So we just tell people about it and build these massive ideas in our heads that are never actually going to happen. This is what saddens me.

I think it's time for you to take some risks and to make some of these boards become realities. I know there are always a ton of excuses. They usually go something like this:

1. I don't have time. What a stupid excuses. If you have time to be on Pinterest for 2 hours planning a project then you have 2 hours to actually do a project. If you can watch TV or update facebook every 45 minutes or take instagrams non-stop then you have some extra time to make one of these boards become a reality.

2. I don't have money. It doesn't take as much money as you think to do most projects or at least start most projects. It certainly doesn't take a lot of money to start losing weight. Stop eating out so much and you will actually start to save money. Then you can use that money to do one of your projects. Boom! Two projects completed!

3. I am not totally sure how to do it. Today we have access to more information than ever before. If you aren't sure how to do something I am pretty sure there is a tutorial on youtube or the internet somewhere. If you can't find anything then just try it. If you mess up then that's okay at least you tried. At least you tried to make your vision a reality instead of always keeping it a vision.

I didn't start walk in love. by opening a store in one day. It was a lot of little projects and little risks that built up over years filled with mistakes, sweat and hard work. If I could go back 6 and half years ago I would give myself a high five for starting it and for taking it from inspiration to reality (I would also tell myself to go find Brooke and marry her next week). I had no idea what it would become back then but if I never took that step I would not be where I am today.

Pinterest is a great tool for inspiring creativity and vision, but it shouldn't just stop at the inspiration. It should always be a jumping off point into action. So take that action and start living your pinterest life.

The 2nd Period

I wrestled in high school. I was pretty good. Not great, but better than most. Wrestling is one of the sports that you love and hate at the same time. You love that it's one of the most physical demanding things because it makes you feel super hardcore but you also hate that it's so demanding and you just want it to end. You love how good you look while you do it but you hate that you have to cut weight. If you are wrestling in high school now and reading this know that you will miss it when it's gone. I never thought I would say that, but I do miss wrestling. Highschool wrestling matches are three periods and each of those periods are two minutes. There is no harder 6 minutes in sports and if you want to argue that then you obviously haven't tried to wrestle someone for 6 straight minutes, but that is not the point of this post.

Here is how a full match usually goes.

Before it starts : You're pumped up and ready to go.

1st Period : LET'S DO THIS!!!!!

2nd Period : You don't know if you are going to make it and you find yourself thinking, "Why am I doing this? My face is cut up, I have lost 15 lbs. I am constantly hanging out with gross, sweaty guys. I haven't gone out with my friends in weeks. I am wearing spandex. Why I am wrestling? This was a stupid idea. Next year I am going to play basketball or even better yet do nothing at all. I just want this to end."

3rd Period : I am so close to the end. I can make it.

After the match if you win : I love this sport. I want to get better.

After the match if you lose : I hate this sport. I need to get better.

Life has second periods, lots of them and I find myself currently in one. It's the time of life that doubt starts to sneak it. Right now it's my second period in business and more specifically the store. Things started off great and were exciting and then came the holidays which are awesome, but now it's January and sales are slow, while bills are still high. It's the second period and I have two options.

1. I can tap out and quit. Say something like, "It's the economy." or "It just wasn't working out."

or

2. I can keep wrestling and hopefully make it to the 3rd period.

The nice thing about wrestling is that the second period was only 2 minutes no matter what, but it's not like that in business or life. Sometimes we can be in the second period for weeks, months or years and the third period or finish line might seem so unreachable. It's times like this where faith in God really matters. The second period is what separates the winners from the losers. It showed you who is going to grit it out and push through the pain, exhaustion and suffering and who is going to quit.

While you are in the second period it is awful and you find yourself thinking that nothing good will ever come from this but you're wrong. Good things will always come to those who push through adversary. Even if I end up failing and the store closes I will have shown to myself, my family, my wife and my God that I believed and pushed through the second period. That I am not a quitter and that in the end all I could do was my best.

When you own a business you're tendency is to always paint a very beautiful picture about how things are going so your clients don't get scared but it's not always like that and I think that's okay. If you were to speak with anyone who is super successful they would be the first to tell you, but I think they would also tell you that those times were when they learned the most.

If you are out there and you are currently in the second period of life and wondering what's the point or thinking about quitting. Don't! Keep wrestling, keep believing and keep moving on because the third period is coming and you can make it.

Hire Passion and Teach Skill

One of the newest things to me is having a team. We have a walk in love. team and a Brooke Courtney team. I am going to focus on the walk in love. team and how we ended up with these eight awesome people. When we decided to open the store we weren't really worried about whether people had computer skills, could work the register or knew how to fold a shirt correctly. Those are all things that we could teach. We wanted passion, energy and excitement! We wanted people who loved the brand and wanted to see it grow. Here is how we got those people.

We needed around 8 people to staff the store.

First we asked 3 of the people who worked at the kiosk the year before - Mike (my brother), Matt (the first walk in love. intern) and Maddie (who I've known since she was 6 years old).

Then my best friend, Jeff, asked if he could have one of the jobs. He was tired of working at his other job and was ready for a change. So we said, Yes!

Then we posted an application online for the 5 positions we had left and were greeted with over 100 applications.

So Mike, Brooke and I looked through them and narrowed it down to about 30 based off whether they fit our brand. We were looking for excited, young and happy people to join our team.

Then we thought about sitting down with 30 different people and having them all regurgitate the same answers on why they were perfect for the job and blah blah blah. Not my idea of an exciting Saturday.

So instead Brooke and I decided to have a party at our house and invite the current team of 4, some other friends and all 30 potential team members. We wanted to see how they interacted with each other and with other people.

I won't go into the details of the party, but after it was over the team came to almost unanimous decisions on who would be a good fit and who wouldn't. We were all in on 3 people so I offered them all a job and they accepted. Two of them - Drew and Gina still work at the store.

Then there was one other person at the party that I was on the fence about. I heard peoples opinions on her but it came down to me to make the decision and I had to trust my gut so I asked our last team member Kristen to be on the team and I couldn't be happier with that desicion.

I love our team. I love their energy and passion. I love that I can trust them and I love that I didn't just look for people who gave me the right answers. Yes, sometimes I am so frustrated with our team members, but in the end I know that each one of them is passionate about walk in love. I know that they will do their very best to represent the brand and to live out our message in public.

I think whenever you are hiring or building a team look for passion first and skill second. When we asked Maddie to be the intern for the Brooke Courtney team she didn't know much about photography but we knew she had a passion for it. Skills and technique will come with coaching and practice, but passion will not.

Refresh

Brooke and I had the privilege of shooting a wedding in Jamaica this past week.  When we booked the wedding I thought it would be good to add on a few days after shooting for some vacation time.  We have only been on one short vacation since our honeymoon and I thought it would be really good for us to get away and unplug, but I had no idea how good it would end up being.

I only used my phone as a camera, didn't sign up for wifi and beside shooting the wedding set no agenda for the week.  It only took me about 3o minutes of laying in the hot tub on the first night we arrived to realize that I needed this.  While 2011 had been an amazing year of growth and excitement, it had also been non-stop.  Always moving, always working, always answering some question about the store, a wedding or what I needed to do today.  If you have spent any amount of time going to church I am sure you've heard the sermon about "being still and knowing God is God."  Normally those sermons end with 5 minutes of awkward silent time when all I can think about is what I want for lunch (usually pizza) or what football game is on later (Go Niners!).  It's hard to force still moments.  Our brains are crazy, they never stop and I feel like mine has been on overload for the past year with all the newness of 2011, but stillness is so good and while laying in that hot tub I was reminded of that goodness.

I spent the week reading EntreLeader by Dave Ramsey.  I am only on the second chapter because after about every paragraph I have to put the book down and really think about what he is saying and how I can apply it to the walk in love. team, the Brooke Courtney Photography team, my family, relationships, my house and so on.  So far the book has been a lot about goals and vision.  I am not much of a reader and even less of a writer but during this vacation I really fell in love with the idea of writing my goals down.  Writing them down made them feel so real and permanent, like I had to push to make them happen, like if I didn't try everything in my power to reach them I would be failing.  So I wrote personal goals, business goals, relationship goals, house goals and even refreshing goals.    I initially thought that writing them down would be somewhat stressful, like a long and impossible to-do list that would only end up making me stressed but as I inked the goals in my moleskine I felt a feeling that I haven't felt in a while.  I felt refreshed.

In business I feel like it's go, go, go and make small changes along the way, but never stop.  You must never stop or you will lose a client, a step or not reach the next mark.  With that attitude there isn't a lot of time for feeling refreshed and refocused, but as I marked my journal with goals that's exactly how I felt.  I felt that while I have been successful I have lost my way  a bit.  Now I don't mean anything illegal or immoral, but just unfocused on why I do what I do.  It was mostly little things, like how I can better incorporate our team in things and build better, fuller relationships with our clients and customers.  Things that can't be fixed by a meeting or a brainstorming session, but only by a shift in thinking, a refocusing.

The tricky part about feeling refocused is about making it actually happen in real life.  I am not in Jamaica anymore and I came home to hundreds of e-mails, questions and to-dos.  I still have the daily to-do list, but when you write your goals down and look through that lens as you check things off, change will happen.  Today, as I answered my first 50 e-mails, I kept thinking about establishing a better, closer, more genuine relationship with our clients or potential clients (one of my goals).  I tried to explain myself better or read their inquiry with more attention so I wouldn't miss anything.

As I think about what needs to happen at the store I am asking myself if there is one specific team member that could help.  Is there a team member with a certain skill set or passion that can help with this task because one of my goals is to create an even closer team.

I was really excited to get home after this week.  I was excited to feel refreshed about what is going on in my life.  If you are anything like me you probably think that a couple hours, a day or a week off to refocus will just cause you more stress about what you are falling behind on.  That is what I thought.  I even told Brooke before we left I should have just booked the trip to shoot the wedding and come home, but I am so thankful that I added on those extra days.  I am so thankful because I was able to spend some time being still, writing goals and refocusing why I am here and why I have been blessed with what is in front of me.  It feels good to be refreshed and I encourage you to schedule or force yourself to take some time to do the same.